For Better or For Worse

How will the issue of same sex marriage effect the upcoming Presidential election? It's hard to say. One-issue voting certainly gained popularity with the whole abortion debateand some people absolutely believe that Bush is in the White House rather than Gore because of this one issue.

But how do you gauge how it will effect an entire election? People are undoubtedly passionate about this issue. I am not, which may make me the wrong person to write this piece, or maybe exactly the right person. You see the only thing I've been passionate about the whole marriage issue is stridently trying to avoid it.

Marriage is an institution, one I don't trust. It may have something to do with the fact that in my small class of maybe thirty students give or take which started first grade together at St. Francis Solono School, most parents were divorced by the time we graduated high school. Until death do us partwas definitely not true. My parents were among the divorced and let's just say that event was not a pretty sight.

I believe this to be the equivalent of pulling out the rug from under the feet of an entire generation. I'm not saying I'll never get married, I'm just saying when and if I do, it will be on my terms and not because it is what's expected of me.

So I never rushed to the altar or spent a large part of my youth envisioning that special day which always makes hearing people longing for such an event a strange concept to me. No one has ever seemed more committed to the concept of for better or for worse than the gay couples I have known over the years. Maybe they are such fans of the concept because they were always told they were excluded from this particular tradition.

In many ways they seem to be keeping the flame of commitment to another human being alive. I'm not saying I don't have any heterosexual friends who are married, but the truth is many are divorced once maybe twice and the ones that aren't hold their partners at a certain arms length. I'm not innocent here - I definitely believe in the concept of for better much more than for worse. I feel very comfortable with the fact that I can always leave. Now with a little bambino on the way, and with years rolling by that gets much more unlikely all the time, but still I hedge my bets.

The best example I ever had of true love was Randy and Rand. I worked with Randy and he had AIDS. His partner gently reminded him to take his medication and made him nutritious meals every day, including the lunch he brought with him to work. I never say a stronger to commitment between people in my entire life before or since. The way they took care of each other was truly inspirational. You may say they made me believe in love again and I am very grateful for the lesson however non-traditional it may have been. They would have gotten married if they were able, but it wasn't even part of the national debate at the time.

Our neighbors down the street moved several years ago. They were a gay couple who owned a home together and had recently adopted two crack babies that otherwise probably would have lived in state care until they were eighteen. The odds of them being independent adults were never very good under these circumstances. However, they had been given a second chance, and now had grandmothers concerned for their welfare, good schools to go to, proper nutrition and adequate help for any lingering physical and emotional problems they face. I like their odds a whole lot more now. There are no guarantees in life, but I feel they have a fighting chance.

I have some friends who will be getting married shortly after a twenty-year wait. They own a home, have investments, dogs and a camping trailer. Twenty years is a long time to be committed to another person and I believe they should be allowed to get married just like the rest of us. It's not a dogma thing, or a religious thing, I just think it's a matter of basic fairness.

If religions want to exclude people, or clubs that is their right but our government was founded on separation of church and state and I just don't see how the government can legally do this without violating civil rights. If two adults want to make a commitment for better or for worse I think good for them and good for society as a whole. Their divorce rate maybe as high as the rest of the population, but no one ever said gay marriage would be more successful.

I think any two adults walking down the aisle is extremely courageous and they have my vote. I just hope fear of this issue won't drive this election and sway it for the worse. Another four years of Republican rule would just about bankrupt us in more ways than one.